There is a common myth that all single men in their thirties and forties are immature. While this is a common belief, it is not true. In some cases, it may be true, but one should not be dogmatic in saying that all single men who are in their thirties and forties are immature. This is a statement that cannot be backed up with truth because it is not based on any solid foundation.
Rather, people try to claim single men within this age range are immature because they are not married. It is important to note that just because a person is not married does not mean they are immature. In the same way, just because a person is married does not mean they are mature. It is incorrect to define a person’s maturity based on whether they are married or not.
Instead of judging men based on their marital status, you need to look at them as individuals. You do not know the reason behind why they are bachelors in their thirties and forties. It could be they have dedicated their life to following Jesus, haven’t found anyone they truly love yet, or have other focuses in life. Therefore, it is important to debunk the myth that all bachelors in their thirties and forties are immature.
Measuring Maturity
Measuring maturity by a person’s marital status is not wise. As mentioned, being married or not is not a measuring rod for a person’s maturity levels. If anything, bachelors in their thirties and forties may be more mature than you think. Many people believe that bachelors are selfish and only care about themselves, but this is not true. There are many reasons why a single man may choose to stay single.
Oftentimes it is their maturity that helps them choose to be unmarried. Within the Christian community, there is a false belief that marriage is the end goal or the ultimate form of happiness. This is not true as our goal as Christians needs to be helping other people come to know Christ and maturing in our own walk with God. Not everyone will get married, but it does not make them any less of a person.
If a bachelor chooses to stay unmarried, the Apostle Paul actually says this is better (1 Corinthians 7:25-40). Tragically, many Christians are distorting the Word of God by condemning those who choose to stay single. There is absolutely nothing wrong with staying single for a male or female. If a Christian decides in their heart to stay unmarried and chooses to spend their time focused on God, this is a noble thing. Never should other Christians condemn individuals who choose to stay unmarried. Even the term “bachelor” can be seen as derogatory.
Reasons to Stay Unmarried
It is also important to note that there are many reasons why a man may choose to stay unmarried, even if he is in his thirties or forties. As mentioned earlier, it could be because he is choosing to dedicate his life to following Jesus, hasn’t found the one, or is choosing to spend time bettering himself. While many people might see these things as selfish, they are not. Sadly, men tend to be seen as “lazy,” “selfish,” or “immature” for not being married, but these aren’t blanket statements to apply to all men.
Rather, it is important to look at the individual and not pass judgment on them. You never know why a person chooses to stay unmarried unless you truly know them and they open up to you. Even if you may personally believe everyone should get married does not mean that this is what everyone else believes. In fact, it is not even what God says.
Nowhere in the Bible do we see God promising marriage to all people. Marriage is a gift, but singleness is also a gift. Unfortunately, within Christian culture, people do not tend to treat singleness as a gift. Instead, they treat it as a great tragedy or something that should be avoided at all costs. This is not a healthy way to think nor is it biblical. Whether a person gets married or not, they can still live a life to the glory of God. A person doesn’t have to be married to follow God, serve Him, or glorify Him in their actions.
It could also be someone stays unmarried because they have gone through a bad breakup in the past or they might even be divorced. Due to their bad relationships in the past, they might feel unsafe opening up to someone again. It could be that they still love the person that ended things with them or they are trying to heal from the wounds. Nonetheless, do not judge someone’s maturity or morality based on their marital status. It is not wise and will only lead to pushing this person away from the community of believers.
Do Not Pass Judgment
The Lord tells us plainly to not judge others (Matthew 7:1). Judging others is not within our responsibility. Judgment is God’s responsibility. He will judge everyone in accordance with His perfect rule. Rather than choosing to pass judgment on men who stay single in their thirties and forties, we need to encourage them to live their lives for the glory of God. Being single does not count you out for living the abundant life that Jesus died for (John 10:10).
If you have been in the habit of looking down on men who are unmarried, try to change the narrative. Look at the man individually and see how he is living. Is he kind? Is he living to the glory of God? Is he trying his best to help others know Jesus? If you find he is doing all of these things, there is no reason to think badly of him or to think he is immature. Rather, he is just a man who has chosen to remain single.
Choosing to remain single is a personal decision. It does not have to be approved by people. Whether a person gets married or stays single, they can still live their lives to the glory of God. The Lord looks at our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7)—he does not look at our marital status. If you are a single man in your thirties or forties, know that God will do wonderful things with your life and your singleness.
Oftentimes, Christian singles can do the most for God because they are worried about pleasing the Lord rather than pleasing a spouse (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Therefore, there is nothing immature about this. Living for God, dedicating all of your time to the Lord, and helping others come to know Him are all very mature things to do. There is beauty in marriage and there is also beauty in singleness.
Instead of trying to say one is better or more mature, we need to see married couples and singles as equals. In no way is one more superior than the other. As believers, we are to live in unity with one another, but we cannot do this if there are believers condemning other believers because they have chosen not to be married or have not gotten married by a certain age. There needs to be unity within the family of believers or there will only be disorder.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Andrey Maximenko
