Dr. Schwartz recommends maintaining rituals “like having Zoom dinners together that allow for conversation and the ability to download their day with one another or share their feelings more intimately.” She also suggests trying intimacy wellness platforms, like Arya, an AI-powered concierge app for couples that are looking to build communication skills and enhance their intimacy. (Dr. Schwartz is on Arya’s advisory board.) These types of activities, she says, “are key so that the relationship continues to feel connected and intimate.”
And know that long distance also has its fair share of hard moments. Hayley mentions that she still has times where she gets lonely and really misses her partner. During times like this, she relies on continued supportive messages from her husband and from family members who are closer by.
When It Looks Like Long-Distance Isn’t Working Out
Long distance is hard and sometimes technology won’t cut it. It’s important to acknowledge that there will be a lot of moments where couples might struggle to make it work. In these cases, it might feel like living apart was a big mistake—and for some couples, it actually might have been.
“If your partner starts meeting with you less regularly, is not affectionate or using loving terms even though they used to be before, often making it hard to reach them during non working hours and in general making themselves hard to reach, then it might be time to evaluate the situation,” Dr. Schwartz says.
Any time you start to feel confused by your partner’s behavior, it’s always in your best interest to communicate what you feel before jumping to any assumptions. Problem solving together as a couple can help you reach a conclusion faster as to whether this situation is really working out as you both had once hoped. While the conversation might be difficult, it’s a good time to discuss if moving in together will actually help resolve any issues in the relationship that living apart brought up.
Ultimately, the end of a relationship will likely have less to do with distance and more to do with communication breakdown and issues with trust—both things that can often lead to issues in couples that live together, too.
Regardless of distance, any successful marriage requires that both individuals feel safe enough to take up space and invest in their own dreams. When speaking on the success of her marriage, Ralph attributed a big part of the success of her marriage to the fact that both her and her husband take up the space they need.
“He has his own life. I have my own life. He has his own real career; I have my own real career. He has his light to stand in, I have my light to stand in. He’s doing his thing. I get to do my thing.” Get it, Sheryl.
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How to Deal If You and Your Partner Have Mismatched Sex Drives
